goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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