I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
