He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize