The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
