Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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