What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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