They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The Olympian is in my bed
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