we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
