I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
