I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
