I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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