It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
