I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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