I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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