My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
