he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
