bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
