At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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