Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize