Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
