i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
