There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
