this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
