just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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