I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
