batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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