Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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