You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
