duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
