Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
