I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
