We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There r osticjed everywhere
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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