i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
