awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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