So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
