If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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