Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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