There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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