To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
