theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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