yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
