I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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