bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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