I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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