You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
