You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
