you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize