I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My ATM looks so different sober.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
