What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
