Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
