there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
