I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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