currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
