Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
