I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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