Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
