trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just gargled with NyQuil
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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