I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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