Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
