This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
