Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
