Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
