All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
