we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
