just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
