Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
