There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
