Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
