i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
