vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize