Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
