My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
