You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
