she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
