I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
