I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
