I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
