I'm jealous of your bromance
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize