Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
