Don't you send me to vm
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
