i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize