the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
