could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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