Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
