When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
