the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
this hospital has no fireball
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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