The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
