Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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